Josei, and Hopes and Dreams

It was only relatively recently when I got into anime/manga, only in the past 3 years have I been actively watching and reading stuff? However, most of the stuff I like falls under one category, Josei.

Growing up most of my exposure to anime was from internet culture and video games, It was alot of the mainstream stuff which frankly, didn't exactly peak my interest, but that changed when I stumbled upon Paradise Kiss.

Paradise Kiss is a manga created by Ai Yazawa, It involves high schooler Yukari Hayasaka, a very by the books girl; she goes to school and gets high grades purely to make her parents happy, but life gets turned wayside after being encountered by another group of high schoolers; fashion students who operate under the moniker "Paradise Kiss."

I watched the anime adaptation (and later read the original manga) and I was hooked, The story was good, the artwork was lovely, and the characters emanated a unique and fun energy to them, ranging from cool, quirky, even punky... But something I really did enjoy about the series was Yukari herself.

Yukari, was a very compelling, and very relatable character to me and many others who read/watched Paradise Kiss, while an upstanding person who achieves high grades in school, she doesn't particularly have any other aspiration besides that, she simply does it to appease her parents hopes of her going to college. It was only until encountering the characters at Paradise Kiss, and being hit with a modeling offer by them, where her introspection about her current life starts.

When you don't live for yourself, you aren't living, but if you don't have your own aspiration or dream, how can you live for yourself?

Yukari realizing her newfound drive for modeling, and learning more about the others in Paradise Kiss, is the series true driving force to me. While maybe during my initial watch I wasn't in a position to think about it much, In a now transformative part of my life, I find myself thinking about Yukari's story and struggles in regards to me, I also was forced to school with not much drive, under the pretense that It would appease my parents, and one day make money for them, but like Yukari, It wasn't my fate... But unlike Yukari, I don't particularly know what my drive is...

Which leads into Ai Yazawa's other... Which explores more nuances about pursuing a dream...

NANA revolves around the lives of two very different, 20 year old women, Nana Komatsu, and Nana Osaki, who move to Tokyo in pursuit of their dreams Nana Komatsu (Who I will be calling Hachi from thus forth) who abruptly moves to live with his boyfriend, and Nana Osaki, who moves in the pursuit of becoming a recognized rock star.

NANA is by far, my favorite Anime/Manga, It's depiction of life, love, and dreams; alongside it's very human characters, was frankly, very inspiring to me, and was genuinely formative for me during my late teens. And Once again, the main character(s) have many relatable traits. To me, Hachi displays the, antsy and frankly, foolhardy way of getting something you want, while Nana shows more determination and boldness in terms of her pursuit of life in Tokyo.

Both of them do alot of things that people wish they could do, Hachi can just get up and change their life, it's her naivety and airheadedness that lets her do this, her dream is to, move to tokyo and find a dream. She truly believes she'll be set with life as long as shes near her boyfriend, Shoji. Nana on the other hand, has the confidence and determination that she can make it big as a singer in the world, despite her troubled past.

I guess in a way, I envy these 3 protagonists, and many of the other characters in the 2 respective series. Not to use this word for the umteenth time, but I guess a dream, and the energy to pursuit a dream is something I truly desire.

Recently though, I did take a plunge in my life, I quit my job, and decided that I was going to live with my girlfriend in our newly rented apartment, and after a week of setting stuff up, reality unfortunately kicked in that, I am quite afraid of this new status quo.

I love my girlfriend, and we both mutually enjoy living with eachother, but while my girlfriend is going at it at her college nearby, what am I going to do for the time being?

Like, yes, I do need to find a job to support myself and to an extent, my girlfriend... But I guess like Hachi, I was very entranced by the sole possibility of simply moving out. I don't really know what I can do to build a future for myself, something I majorly regret not planning out earlier due to my own naivety. To quote myself from earlier, When you don't live for yourself, you aren't living, but if you don't have your own aspiration or dream, how can you live for yourself? and when confronting myself with my own statement, I don't have my aspiration or dream... I just could never really find one due to how I was raised; simply to go to school in hopes of graduating college, then what?

But, after my own introspection, and conversations with my girlfriend and friends, I've come to the realization that, now more than ever, this is the time where I can find my dream.

There were alot of things I would've liked to have explored in my youth, like drawing, or game development, that I could've never taken the time and vigor to do due to my home life, I'm realizing, maybe I could finally try those things for real?

Ai Yazawa's works have touched, It makes me wonder, do I have a story to tell to others? Could that be my dream? To make art? And hopefully inspire others to dream?

Considering the time I've spent working on my website, It does show that I do have the diligence to learn something If I can both enjoy learning and getting over the "initial barrier", I guess I'm the only person whos holding me back at this point. Perhaps this can be the beginning of my dreams, and in turn, my life...

I'm a little dissatisfied with this entry, It was more concise before I added my personal stuff to it near the end where I kinda rambled... sorry. If there's atleast one thing to take from this, is the read/watch NANA and Paradise Kiss.