My Site and Substance


Alternate title: What the hell am I doing here.

Time certainly does fly, because in a week and some change, my site will be 1 year old, Bonkers, I know.

For quite a while though, I've constantly been reflecting on my site, about whats on it, how it looks, how much time I am/aren't putting into it. Unfortunately, I may have developed an insecurity with my webspace.

Now, I don't loathe my website or anything, theres many things I'm proud/enjoy about it, the fact that I made a place where I can just do whatever is something I'm very happy with, even if it was a struggle, learning HTML/CSS/JS (Sorta) was one of the best time sinks I've done in recent memory.

The issue, and the main thing I think about in regards to my website is, in the year this site has existed, have I made anything worthwhile?

This is one of those questions though, where I already know the answer to, Yes, Ihave made worthwhile things, on the account that Any person who puts effort and heart into something makes it worthwhile. To add one, I already know the question I asked myself is quite stupid, really.

If you don't already know, theres this old writing/article/rant about Personal Websites on Neocities specifically, Neocities and a Lack of Passion. A very contentious piece from the author, while I don't appreciate the harsh tone that radiates from the writing (but then again, this was many years ago and the author has grown alot since then, as they have stated) I can somewhat agree with the sentiment, but I also believe people can do whatever they want, i ain't a cop, nor am I your mom, aslong as it's not harmful, but this is going beyond what this journal post is about.

Anyhow, I remember coming across the writing early on in my sites life and asmuch as I disliked to think about it, it has influenced how I wanted to go about putting stuff on my website. I do wanna try and make aforementioned "worthwhile things" on my site, give people a reason to revisit my webspace aside from a cursory glance and such, yknow? I'm a person who tries to have a very mellow ego and internet prescence, but I wouldn't be lying if I said that perhaps the modern internets obsession with "content creation" and clout has bled into my head. Fun!

Alot of personal sites seem to like to write a Manifesto about the web and all that, nothing against that or anything; I do generally have the same views from said manifestos, but I wouldn't ever write a full blown thing like that. Like yeah, of course I believe the modern web sucks, that personal websites are da bomb, and social media bad, and such and such. Nothing you haven't heard before, But if i am to say anything of my own, I will say I have quite the distain for clout chasing and content creators that just do it for said clout. It just feels "soulless."

( Side Rant that i accidentally went on that doesn't have to do with the rest of the journal: Alot of the internet is just what I call "slop", you've certainly experienced "slop" before. Stuff that's given to you from an algorithm on the feed of some social media site, purely to just get a reaction out of you for a moment in time, just for it to be fed to you again and again. Think of a bad twitter feed (every twitter feed nowadays) a bad facebook feed (now with 100% more AI!) or the average TikTok feed (self explanatory.))

I just, want to do my best, to the best of my abilities, especially in regards to this site, maybe I care a bit too much about my website. I feel like maybe I don't do enough on here, or think my writings are shoddy, or that I have too many useless pages, and so on and so forth. I don't want popularity, I have no reason to want to be seen or whatever, I just want a place to be me.

I may also just like, get off neocities for good, asmuch as I appreciate it, I just don;t like seeing views and followers and such, despite the kind people I've met on the platform.

Maybe substance has gotten to me too much, in my mind, that word hardly means anything to me anymore, and yet I put it in the title of this journal.

I know my site is worthwhile, I put alot of effort in it, but i can never shake the feeling of "being more." That I should do more for my site but for who? It shouldn't be for "who" it should be for "me!"

I want my site to have "things" and all that junk, but am I going about it right?

My site is hotpink, weirdly designed, has Javascript, a coding nightmare, and has crappy writings. But I've gotten this far with my site. I ain't gonna quit.

Despite the modern internet, and despite what that rant I linked reads, I'll always keep trucking, this site may very well exist for aslong as i live... Maybe.

Pictured: Me Trucking.

Always expect more from me, always expect change, as I am ever growing, there is never a standard for or the webmaster.

I am writing all of this on a whim, very impromptu, so I probably lost steam at some point, I will read this again when it isn't 12am, and see how I feel about it, perhaps on the anniversary of this site, I'll acknowledge this again, Good night.